5 Reasons to stay Positive when you’re not Positive

I’ve read a lot of blogs recently from disheartened woman waiting to conceive.  I’m in the 2WW (2 week wait, for those of us in the TCC (Trying to conceive) club), and while I know I’ll be upset, disappointed and behave like a crying little girl if this isn’t the month it happens.  There are plenty of reason to stay positive, when it’s not positive.

Reason 1 – Money, Money, Money

Not to sound crass or in any way suggest that keeping hold of your money is a substitute for having a baby, but, helloooo shopping. 

We started a baby fund about 12 months ago.  I’ve gotten used to a certain level of comfort in my life and I don’t want to give it all up when we drop down to one income for a while.  So we worked out how much we’d need every month to cover our expenses for a year and set ourselves a savings target. 

If I’d gotten pregnant in the first few months, there’s no way we would have come close.  We would have had to give up the cleaner, the organic veg box delivery and my monthly massage.  Like I say, I’ve gotten used to certain comforts.

Now, we’ve reached the savings target and beyond.  As I’m still not even pregnant, we used some of the money to get solar panels installed on the house.  We’re eying up a new car, and if we keep going much longer, we may even be able to afford to get married. 

Of course money is no substitute for having a family, but I will be glad go get rid of the old Rover and upgrade to a car that actually has electric windows and air conditioning.

Reason 2 – Health

In order to provide a lush and nutrient rich vessel i.e. my body; in the last 9 months I’ve stopped drinking (apart from a glass or 2 at the bad end of every month), given up caffeine, cut back on sugar, I’m eating 5- 7 fruit and veg a day, am going to the gym twice a week and walking 5 miles every weekday.  I take daily folic acid, a multi vitamin and fish oil without the vitamin A. 

I’ve been told frequently when I run into friends that my skin has never looked so good and my hair is positively shining. 

Reason 3 – Time with myself, my partner, and the cat

I feel each month like we’re on borrowed time and it will be taken away from us very soon by a crying, hungry, demanding little person.  And while I won’t begrudge the little time sucker, I appreciate every month that gives me time to see friends and hang with my other half.

We’ve booked 2 weeks holiday in Thailand, (refer to point 1 above).  I wanted one more adventure, riding elephants, hiking in the jungle and swimming in the sea.   Of course there’s always the risk I may have to do all of these things while in the early stages of pregnancy and trying not to throw up into my snorkel.

I’m spending quality time with the cat and unashamedly treating her as if she is my baby, no I don’t put nappies on her or anything weird like that, she just gets a lot of attention.  She has the top of the range food (again refer to point 1), sleeps curled up with us on the bed at night and she loves being chased around the garden like any of my friend’s toddlers.  Yesterday I treated her to a new toy which can only be described as a Freddie Krueger glove in a clown theme.  I want to say she loves it but we’re both a bit unsure.

Reason 4 – Career

When we started TCC and I naively thought it would happen immediately, I freaked out a bit that I would only have 9 months of work left for a while.  Being not long into a new job and feeling like I still had a lot I wanted to achieve, I set myself some work based goals.  In the last 9 months while not achieving a lot in my fallopian tubes, I have managed to achieve quite a bit at work.  I’ve even been promoted.  I don’t think I would have been so focused had I not been quietly planning my maternity leave.  Still planning…

Reason 5 – Freedom

Spending a lazy weekend reading a good book.  Deciding in the evening to go to the pub because we can’t be bothered cooking.  Booking same day tickets to see a comedian.  Sleeping in on a Sunday.   Spontaneously popping to London to visit friends for the weekend.  I am making the most of all the things I’m told become difficult once you are a parent.

So while I sincerely hope this is the last ‘poor me I can’t conceive’ blog I have to write, if the big test comes back negative next week, I will console myself knowing there’s a few more pennies in the bank, my hair looks good, and I can sleep in on Sunday with no one to wake us but the cat, and at least we can lock her outside when we need to. 


Blade Runner is still an awesome movie

I love the strange, the surreal and the bizarre in film, as long as it’s told with strong narrative, interesting characters and beautiful camera work. Blade Runner has all of everything I love in cinema, twisted together into a film noir futuristic sci-fi, set in the distant year of 2019.

This movie has been through 6 official iterations, of which 3 have been available for cinema release. I saw the Final Cut last night, which is apparently the final final final cut, the way Ridley Scott intended it to be.

It was at least 10 years since I’d seen the original so I couldn’t tell you off the top of my head what was different. But 20 minutes on IMBD tells me (SPOILER ALERT) there is no voice over, which I don’t remember from the original anyway; there is no happy ending; and there is an additional unicorn scene giving the paper unicorn at the end a whole different significance which film buffs everywhere are happily debating. Whichever your preference it’s still a damn good movie and I recommend watching any of the available versions if you haven’t already.

As a film student I spent many late nights feasting on classic and cult cinema. Some old beauties like Metropolis and some best forgotten, umm Barbarella. In my home town we had a beautiful old theatre with terrace seating and gilt covered balconies where they used to screen classic films. I saw Gone with the Wind here, the 4 hours was tough with the old small seats; A Clockwork orange, which my friend walked out on in disgust; and silent Charlie Chaplin movies accompanied by the Auckland Philharmonic Orchestra.

I saw the director John Waters speak at the Hay Festival a few years ago. In preparation my friends and I had a series of John Waters movie nights. Rediscovering the delights of Cry Baby, Polyester and the fabulous Hair Spray.

If you have seen any the movies I’ve so far mentioned, you’ll have an idea of the type of films I like. My partner on the other hand, loves action and disaster movies. I’ll watch any genre as long as it’s a good film, so I don’t mind Rocky or Deep Impact, but I’m not going to watch The Expendables III.

The one genre we do agree on is sci-fi. We both love strange worlds, alien invasions, robot and human relationships, I like the theme of forbidden love, he likes the sex scenes. We spent about 3 months of Sundays watching back to back Battlestar Galactica series.

What I don’t get is action hero films. Sure Wolverine is a walking hunk of sexy man, but how many superhero saving the world films does anyone really need to see in one lifetime? Can there be any more versions of Superman?

How is it that the dolls (sorry action heroes) that men played with when they are boys, have spurned countless serious movie franchises and it’s okay for grown men to get excited about these films. But if there was an equivalent for woman, say a Barbie series for adults they would probably get laughed at as pointless and stupid.

Although let’s face it we probably wouldn’t be interested anyway. I’ve long given up on the dream of perfect hair, long legs and elegant clothes. Perhaps that’s it, men aren’t yet ready to give up on the dream that one day, just one day they may discover a secret power and use it to rescue pretty women and save the world.

Maybe then they’ll stop watching men in tight trousers leaping about buildings and start watching the latest bitter sweet story of a transgender refugee living rough on the streets of Slovakia told through the perspective of her blind dog. Break out the popcorn, that’s the kind of art house festival film I’m talking about!